Sometimes

Sometimes, I hate myself so much it's so hard to bear... Why the heck is there someone like me exist on earth?

Reset button

You know I'll regret it, I should have just hold on my thought a little longer, why do I give in, I wonder. Would I be too selfish if I hold on? Maybe...

The world doesn't spin around me, I understand that fact, but why do I still feel so frustrated? Why can't my thought and emotion be moving on the same direction? I'll never understand myself, it's either too complicated or too easy, whichever it is, I still don't get it.

Life is just a game, the only difference is, there's no reset button in life. Sad, isn't it?

If I could just reset it like a game...

Birthday!

Had a surprise birthday bash by my housemate today morning! It's fun, though I'm still in my sleepy state when it started! We had so many things to eat we can't finished them.. XD Gonna continue later for lunch or dinner maybe? Haha!! :P Thank you so much for celebrating my birthday everyone! ^^ Still don't like the idea that I'm 20 right now, never once felt that I'm mature enough for my age.. haha!

Now I'm in a confusing state, happy for the celebration, but sad that I gotta cram for ToI final exam tomorrow.. gonna let out my frustration, AAAAHHHHHHH!!!! And Kevin, our lecturer, don't allow us to bring notes too even though we can bring it during mid sem test. Why?!! There's so many formulas to memorize I'm going crazy. I don't feel like studying at all, I wanna play, I wanna keep on watching anime forever and ever.. XD But for now, I guess I had no choice but to bury this desire of mine and then play till I drop dead tomorrow after exam.. Wahahaha!!!!!

Running away

I'm running away again. Feel like it would be so much better to just live in my dream. I don't wanna face reality, but reality is just too clingy it will never leave me alone. Argh~~

Anyway, today is extremely hot I feel like I'm in Mal instead of Aus.. XD It's cooking me while I walk in the heat.. Suddenly, you'll hear a shout, "Freshly baked human! Anyone wanna try some?" Haha!!! :P

It's just mood-killing, I don't feel like studying, I don't feel like doing anything except closing myself in the fridge, no, freezer would be better.. ^^ Can someone do me a favor and shoot the sun down please?

道歉

道歉，不过就只是自我逃避罪恶感的借口。

Lost

Care for others before you hope for others to care for you. Isn't this one of the unwritten law of the world? What rights do a person have to take and not give? But then, maybe I'm in no position to comment as well.

Thing just never go as easy as I thought it could be, problem arise from parts that I never realize, would be so serious. Unintentional? Or it's just something that had to face sooner or later? I'm just, lost. Lost to my inexperience in life, lost to my incapability.

Happy Halloween!!!!!!

31st of October, the festival that I'd never once celebrate before, and also the festival that I love the most, Happy Halloween!!!! ^^

You don't need to celebrate it before to get the image in your brain, or actually, I prefer it only to be my fantasy so it won't get stain by reality. =) Carving faces on the pumpkins for that adorable evil look, going around for trick or treats, witches, wizards, frankenstein, zombies (are there zombies in Halloween? =P )... oh and black cats! But most of all, I just love Vampires!!! XD

I'll keep the others back in my fantasy world before I get way too excited in my thought... XD

So, enjoy your Halloween!!!

P/S: I like the transparent effect of the first image, somehow, it fits so well with my background.. ^^

Cram

Cramming again for my test tomorrow.. XD It's only in time like this that I convince myself to believe in god existence so I can pray and wish for a few hours of sleep.. Gambatte!! Can I say that to myself? XP

RIP CD Player

My poor CD Player/Radio malfunction on Sunday.. T-T

Went to K-mart today, thought I should get it repair as there's a one year warranty. Unexpectedly, I got a full refund for it, wow! 5 months of free usage. XD

Well, I need a CD player to play the CD my mum send to me from Malaysia, can't waste her afford in sending right? =P So I went to find a new one at JB Hi-Fi, cheapest one 38 dollars. I took one, then a salesman come over and said that the one I took cost 44 dollars, it's the new model, they don't have anymore stock for the old one. They look exactly the same you know, exactly!! The salesman can't even answer me when I ask the difference between the two except than 'this is a new model', then he walks away... =_=||| I bet they even have the same function, just changing the model number to increase the price by more than 15%!!

No choice, I walk toward the counter to pay, which then another salesman told me the price being 44 dollars but instead of walking away, he offers to lower down the price to 38 as it's written so on the rack. Difference in human attitude that is, haiz~~ X3

I do ended up paying 38 dollars, but I kinda regret it now.. As they say, it's impossible to satisfy a human greed. Haha!! XD Reason 1, I saw another CD player in Dicksmith after I bought this one, kinda like that design better and it's smaller in size, plus it's 39 dollars, not much difference. (I'm gonna buy that if this one ever broke down.. ^_^) Reason 2, it buzz a once in a while when it's playing CD, make me worry about my CD... Hey, the sound won't come from no where right? :3

In the end, regretted choice is still a choice I made, no turning back. Hope I'll get use to this new CD player soon. X3

RIP my ex-CD player, even though I didn't have any photo of you, may you have a better next-life after serving me loyally for five months. *close my eyes and mourn*

Kite

A kite, riding the wind.
So far away, and yet still connected.
But no one knows if the string will snap,
and when it happens,
the kite will be gone.

To the kite, that is not freedom,
that is wondering aimlessly.
No place to return to,
no destination to go to.
Just like a lost soul.

White lie

If I lying would make you much happier, I’ll try my best to lie.

If the truth irritates you so much that you don't want to speak to me, I will lie, lie to make you happier even though I can never live up to what I said, it’s okay right?

It’s a white lie, right?

Gone

One whole week of semester break just gone like that, and I didn't recall doing anything at all, haiz.. pathetic lazy worm I am..

I always wonder, can we stop time? Test, quiz and assignment just pile up to no end and final is coming soon. I feel like screaming, AHHHHHHH~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maybe I should just stop thinking and go to sleep, sleeping is the biggest joy gifted to all living being.. haha!!

Chinese Night

Just came back from the Chinese Night host by Vickery House. Nothing much that's interesting, I left half-way. Well, it's free, so okay I guess.. XD

Started with 3 bottle of soft drinks and a big tank of syrup, soft drinks aren't meant for me, the syrup is red and way too sweet, why can't they just serve mineral water instead, I'm so thirsty.. :P

Next is prawn crackers, is it prawn? I dunno.. hehe.. as expected since they always have crackers serve in every occasion. XD Then there's small pau, the cheap frozen one that you can find in most chinese stores(I'm so bad.. :P), the one that we usually steam but they cook it in the oven instead. No steamer I guess? or they're just saving time? Anyway, they're gone pretty fast, the red-bean filling pau taste quite okay, so yeah..

We gotta queue for the main dishes, so I choose the quick way and went for the vegetarian one instead. Simple, just rice and vege in soy sauce (I think it's bak-choy, but I'm not sure), suit my taste since you don't need to be a good cook to cook them right, they taste that way and will never change. Haha!! Ling Ling and Wai Hang queue for the normal meal. Thank goodness I didn't go for the normal dishes, there's capsicum in both fried mee and fried bee hoon!! I hate those!! XD

Movie is next on the schedule, Shanghai Noon, starring Jackie Chan. I think I watch it before as my parents practically follow most Jackie Chan movie, but I can't remember the plot. So I stay and watch for a while while Ling Ling and Wai Hang went back home to study, honestly I'm just to lazy to study.. XD

They later serve ice-cream during the movie, Coles brand strawberry flavour if I'm not mistaken, I didn't try as the queue's starting again and I have Bulla cookies and cream in my fridge! ^^ I went back around that time, just can't stand hanging in there without any water, maybe I'm a fish in my previous life, haha.. *lol*

So, that's the end of my Chinese Night. Conclusion? My mum home-cooking Chinese food is always the best!! *scream* :D

Arigatō...

Can I possibly dedicated the song "Arigatō..." by Kokia for my hamsters in heaven?

Frustrated

Really frustrated today, was studying last night for a test and I only gotta sleep for 3 hours. Then guess what? The lecturer says he's postponing the mid-term test till next week, grrrr.... I'm so sleepy now I can barely open my eyes, gonna sleep early today to replace my lack of sleep. =o= Zzzz.. I don't want baggy eyes!!!

And I'm out of good anime to re-energize myself too, too bad... Really gotta find one soon or my soul will leave me before long, I'm so addicted.. XD Onegai, tasukete!

Subconscious

Subconscious, why can't I understand my subconsciousness when it's also a part of me? It seems like me, and yet it felt like it's not, confusing...

Gunslinger Girl Il Teatrino

Just finished watching Gunslinger Girl Il Teatrino, didn't know there's an OVA till I saw the trailer at the end of episode 13, but I downloaded it even though it eats up so much of my data.. XD

Watching this anime made me have quite a lot of new thoughts. Like how does it felt like to love someone knowing that you're 'program' to love them? The girls in this anime put in their everything just for a praise from such person. Pure, maybe?

I felt that Gunslinger Girl is somehow realistic, apart from the cyborg since our technology aren't that advanced yet, I think.. XD In a world where there's no exact right or wrong, whether if it's just greed, revenge or just to repay a kind deed, everyone has their own motivation and reason for what they do. Even the pro-assassin in the anime volunteer to learn to be an assassin just to be helpful to the mafia who save his life. I find this quite amusing. :P

My favorite character would be Triela, she cool and smart too! ^^ Did I mentioned that I like the opening a lot as well? :D

Now, moving on to the next anime.. ^^ What should I watch next? XD

U & I

If you're not around, I can't do anything
I want to eat your cooking
When you come home
I'll hug you with a super smile

If you're not around, I can't apologize to you
I want to hear your voice
When I can see your smile, that alone is good enough for me

Just by having you at my side, I always had courage
I want to be together with you forever
I want to tell you how I feel

On sunny days, too, on rainy days, too
You were by my side
When I close my eyes, your smile is shining

If you're not around, I don't get anything
Where did you say the sugar and soy sauce were?
I was planning to surprise you
When you come home

I get spoiled by you without meaning it
Because you're way too kind
I'm only taking from you, I can't give anything back

I thought that your being at my side is a given
I thought that days like these
Would continue on forever and ever

I'm sorry, I've realized it now
That it's not a given

First off, I've got to tell you
"Thank you"

Will it reach your heart? I'm not confident about it now
But don't laugh, please listen
Because I put my thoughts into my song

Placing all of the "thank you's" I have on my song
I want to send them to you
I'll never, ever forget about how I feel

Oh my thoughts, reach there

~ Lyric of "U & I" from K-On!!, by Aki Toyosaki

That's exactly how I feel after I start living alone here, oh gosh, I'm homesick, I miss you so much I just can't help it... T-T
Longing to go back home~~

Can you ever not cry when you're sad?

"Can you ever not cry when you're sad? My heart is so full, but nothing comes out. But when I'm asleep, I shed tears without my knowledge."

Was watching Gunslinger Girl Il ~ Teatrino ~ ep 8 just now, the whole episode is about Claes. What does it felt to think and act because of a person but at the same time not knowing this person existance? Everything she does and thought is about him, but she doesn't have any memory of him, the only thing left, is that nostalgic feelings.

Paradise Lost

This is the paradise of betrayal.
At the end of my wandering heart,
I search for a light and words of prayer I can send to you.
My imprisoned wings
fly towards the distant sky.
I want to believe that we are not alone.

~ From the opening song of Ga-Rei Zero, 'Paradise Lost' (English translation) by Minori Chihara

I love this song and the anime Ga-Rei Zero of course, it's kinda sad though.. XD

Hello!

Suddenly felt like creating a blog when I was suppose to do my assignment, so I guess this is how it start. XD

Is it possible for us to ban assignment?

And that counter, it's counting how many times I went to this page, including preview, oh gosh, it's all me!! haha!!